Just Like Real Life
by deepfriedcake
Summary: Lorelai discovers a secret that Luke has been hiding from everyone. (And it has nothing to do with a long-lost daughter, I promise!)


**New author's notes:** Just like Lorelai in this story, there are nights when I can't get to sleep. During one of those long, sleepless nights, the idea for this story popped into my head. It made me laugh and I got up and started to write it down. It became one of those glorious stories that almost wrote itself. Luckily the fabulous _**Mags (Mag68)**_ thought it was funny too and didn't mind that I sort of 'borrowed' a few things from her stories. Apparently I was 'meta' before 'meta' became a thing. So go ahead and laugh - it's supposed to be silly!

* * *

_What was the deal with clocks anymore, huh? Why was it that all they did was glow? What was wrong with ticking, huh?_

Back when clocks ticked you could lie in bed and listen to the ticking, and at least you knew that time was actually slipping by your sleepless head. Now if you cracked open an eye you were met with that irritating red glow that made you think that a bomb with one of those ubiquitous red LED countdown timers was in your room, ready to blow you to kingdom come. _That_ was not something formulated to soothe you to sleep.

Lorelai sighed and flipped herself over once more, tugging at the blanket impatiently when it caught in her legs. She missed her old Hello Kitty clock. She regretted getting rid of the unreliable farm sounds clock. That was the problem with clocks that purred, or clucked, or mooed. You couldn't depend on them to purr or cluck or moo when you needed them to. And somewhere during the decade she'd turned into the sort of woman who needed to be on time. How had that happened?

She turned again, this time landing on her back. She flung an arm over her face, trying to block any vestige of the red glow.

_OK,_ she thought grimly, trying to relax her body. _Here we go. 100. 99. 98. 97. 96…_

Her brain interrupted her efforts to drift off to sleep.

_"Joooooy to the world! Allllll the boys and girls now! Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea…."_

Crap! If she had to have a song stuck in her head, why couldn't it be something from her own era? What was up with the golden oldie? Still, it was infinitely preferable to the 'Small World' song from yesterday.

_"It's a world of laughter,_  
_A world of tears._  
_It's a world of hopes,_  
_And a world of fears…"_

"Arrrgh!" She cried, even though Talk Like a Pirate Day had been a good month ago. She angrily pushed herself out of bed, fed up with waiting on the sleep that just wouldn't come.

She stealthily crept downstairs, expertly skirting the one step that creaked. She tiptoed over to Rory's door, listening intently. Satisfied that her little scholar was indeed in dreamland, she quietly wandered around the darkened house, completely lost about what to do next.

She didn't want to do anything that might make noise and wake up Rory. She had a statistics test tomorrow―oh, wait; today―and the last thing she wanted was to disturb her. Lorelai went to the desk and turned on the slightly pornographic monkey light. She unenthusiastically picked up last week's Entertainment Weekly and started to page through it. Her eyes teared up and went out-of-focus when she tried to concentrate on the small print.

She was just _so_ tired. This was the third night of not sleeping. She didn't know what was wrong. Every night she couldn't wait to go to bed. She ached with fatigue. Then she'd get in bed, relax, almost drop off…And suddenly she'd be wide awake, lying on her back, staring at the ceiling with the annoying red glow emanating from the clock beside her. She'd tried everything to get to sleep. Nothing worked. At least not until 4 a.m., when her aching brain finally was so exhausted it turned off. She'd sleep fitfully then, knowing she had to be up again at 6:30. Then she'd drag through another day.

Yawning, she suddenly realized how relaxed she felt. She turned off the light and went to sprawl on the couch, hoping that maybe a change in location would help the Sandman to find her. She cuddled a pillow under her head and tentatively closed her eyes.

No luck. In five minutes she was once again on her feet, rubbing her bloodshot eyes. Suddenly she couldn't stand the thought of being in the house for one more second.

She grabbed her coat, shoving her cell phone in a pocket as soon as she'd finished pushing her arms through the sleeves. She jammed her feet into the first pair of sneakers she found, not caring if they were hers or Rory's, and completely ignored the need for socks.

Outside she felt as though she could breathe again. The frosty air cleared the jumble of thoughts from her mind, although it did make her regret not looking for socks. She strolled down the street, enjoying the stars visible overhead and the sense that she owned the night.

Her steps brought her into the center of town and she looked longingly over at the diner. Since she was already totally awake, a coffeebowl full of Luke's finest certainly wouldn't hurt. She sighed, knowing that wasn't going to happen. But boy, it sure sounded good.

Something caught her eye and she looked with more alarm at the diner. Something wasn't right. Her feet automatically started towards the building.

There it was again. Some sort of wavering, under-the-sea radiance was flickering between the blinds. Lorelai hurried her steps, her hand already reaching for her cell phone to call for help. The icy blueness of the light didn't seem like flames, but she couldn't be sure. Adrenaline started to fill up her veins in case she needed to fight her way upstairs and save Luke.

_And Jess, too,_ she added on grudgingly.

She stood on the top step and peered between two blind slats that hadn't closed completely. And what she saw so completely flabbergasted her that she couldn't move.

Luke sat at a table in the darkened diner, totally engrossed in front of a laptop screen. It was the flickering images from the monitor that she'd seen glowing on the walls. She stared at this man she thought she knew, watching as his eyes darted down the screen, his mouth slightly open in what looked like anticipation, his finger eagerly tapping on the scroll key.

He must have finally sensed her presence on the other side of the door because he looked up, startled, and met her equally stunned eyes.

Before she knew what was happening he'd yanked the door open with such force she nearly tumbled backwards.

"What are you doing here?" he whispered in a roar, mindful that it was late and the town was asleep, including his nephew upstairs.

"Just out for a walk," she said casually, stung by his lack of enthusiasm at her presence. And after she was ready to bust upstairs and rescue him, too!

"What do you have on?" he criticized, his eyes raking over her pajama bottoms and bare ankles. "Oh, for the love of―" he muttered, pulling her inside. "It's freezing out there! Are you crazy?" He put out a hand, ending his outburst. "Don't even bother. I know the answer."

She tossed her head. "Look, since it's obvious I'm interrupting something here, I'll just be on my way. The next time I think the diner's burning down or being invaded by aliens I'll just mind my own business." She turned and fumbled for the door.

He stepped between her and the door. For the first time she noticed he was dressed for bed too, in navy sweatpants and a snug gray thermal henley, his feet covered in thick white socks. Her eyes swept over him and ended on his head, which seemed oddly vulnerable without the ever-present safety hat on. Without the hat, the soft curls of his currently too-long hair were openly displayed behind his ears and down his neck. Although she didn't actually know for a fact that they were soft. She'd have to run her fingers through them to confirm that..

With an embarrassed start, Lorelai realized she was staring at him and made more of an effort to reach the door.

He blocked her again. "I'll drive you home," he said in resignation.

"Why?" she asked, confused.

He put his hands on his hips, a perfect picture of male exasperation. "Because you're in your pajamas! Because it's really late and really cold, and you can't just walk through town in the dark all alone like this, Lorelai!"

"I just did!" she pointed out, just as exasperated. "It will be fine! And you need a haircut," she grumbled, pushing by him.

"What are you doing up this time of night, anyway?" he demanded.

She shrugged. "Couldn't sleep."

"Oh." He seemed to accept that. "Well, that sucks."

"Yeah." She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment and it seemed like the floor under her feet swayed slightly. She opened her eyes at once, fighting the urge to steady herself by grabbing onto him. "So when did you get a laptop? I didn't know you had one."

His eyes looked away guiltily. "Oh…a while back." His feet shuffled. "You know, Jess."

"Oh, sure," she said, nodding. "The kids just about have to have one now, don't they. Hey, what type do you have?" Forgetting about leaving, she started over to the table.

He sprang in front of her. "Don't," he said urgently, intercepting her.

"Luke," she laughed. "What's wrong? Looking at girlie pictures?" She tried to walk around him.

He cut her off again, his face even more determined. "It's just some financial stuff, but I'd rather keep it private."

She could tell he was fibbing at once. Luke Danes was not good at the lying thing. "Right," she said, in her best sweet/sarcastic tone, and moved again towards the laptop.

He was in front of her again instantly. "Don't," he warned, his voice thick with resolve.

She shot him one of his own patented Luke Danes eye rolls and continued towards the beckoning glow of the monitor.

Suddenly her feet weren't touching the floor. She waved them madly for a few seconds, not completely sure why her feet were looking like Wile E. Coyote's in a Roadrunner cartoon. A shocking awareness around her waist blasted the fact into her brain that Luke had grabbed her and was physically preventing her from reaching her goal of the table.

"Luke!" she huffed angrily, fighting to get down.

"No!" he told her, through gritted teeth.

Her sleep-deprived brain was processing thoughts almost faster than she could register them. One, she was shocked beyond belief that he had dared to stop her physically like this. Two, he _really_ didn't want her to see whatever he was looking at, which seemed to hint that Luke was, after all, just like every other guy, which for some reason saddened her more than it should. Three, he was really, really strong, because she wasn't just doing the flirty female 'Oh, I'm trying to get away from you, you big hunk' thing, she was putting everything she had into getting out his grip and was failing utterly. Four, his arms around her waist and his chest pushed against her back felt really, really good. Five…Um, why was she trying to get away again?

She stilled completely, letting her head rest back against his shoulder. She sniffed in the clean, recently-showered scent coming from those curls on his neck and her eyes closed. Drowsiness nearly overcame her as her body snuggled against his.

But then she realized she had one more trick up her sleeve. She started to struggle against his hold again. "Ow," she said then, in her most piteous voice.

Luke dropped her at once, which she knew he would. She looked back at his face, which was horrified at the thought he might have hurt her. "Ha! Sucker!" she crowed, dashing for the table and the laptop.

She came around the table and peered down at the monitor, but instead of naked girls, she only saw a screen covered in text.

Perplexed, she looked back at Luke, who was standing exactly where she'd left him, his hands on his hips in defeat, his face lowered to gaze at the floor. He looked like he was just waiting on her to mock him.

Unsure, she once again started to peruse the screen. Slowly, some words started to register. She read faster, confirming her hunch.

"Um, Luke? Is this…fanfiction?"

He sighed and gave the briefest nod of his head, still staring at the floor.

She nodded too, even though he wasn't looking at her. She read a little bit more.

"Is this on…Regency Hill?"

He blew out a breath and looked blankly around the room, refusing to meet her eyes. "Yes," he finally admitted, his hands still on his hips.

She nodded again, desperately trying not to laugh. She _wanted_ to laugh though, because this was undoubtedly one of the funniest situations life had ever handed her. _Luke Danes_ read fanfiction! But there was something about the way Luke was standing in front of her, so defeated, so vulnerable, that made her feel protective towards him instead of mocking.

She bit her lips and nodded yet again, hoping her voice wouldn't betray her. "You…You watched Regency Hill?"

"Yes," he muttered, folding his arms across his chest and shooting her a defiant glare. "It was a really good show."

"Yes. Yes, it was," she agreed immediately, wondering how to play this. "I just…I never imagined you watching it."

"There was one winter, where the station out of Hartford showed reruns every night," he started to explain, albeit grudgingly. "I'd close up down here and go upstairs, and there wasn't anything else on TV. So I started watching it. Before too long I wanted to find out what else happened to them."

She ran her eyes around the darkened diner while she unthinkingly unzipped her coat, trying to formulate what to say next. "Um…Didn't it go off the air like three years ago?"

"Yeah," he sighed, not able to deny it.

Lorelai didn't want to make him feel defensive. "It was pretty funny though sometimes, wasn't it?"

Luke's eyes met hers. He seemed to loosen up when he realized she wasn't making fun of him. "Yeah, it was," he agreed eagerly. "The writing was so clever, especially at the beginning. It sounded like real life, only smarter. Even the kids were believable."

She smiled at him. "The one teenager? What was her name? Angie? When the show first started, she really reminded me of Rory, you know? She was so driven about acing the SATs!"

Luke chuckled. "That's what I thought, too!"

She was glad he was starting to relax. She glanced again at the screen. "So, this story is about Sean and Tracy?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

She grinned at him coquettishly. "So are you a Sean and Tracy shipper, Luke?"

"Yeah," he said quietly, seriously, "I am."

"Oh," she said, blinking. She hadn't expected that. "You know what that means?"

"I know what it means," he confirmed. "I thought they belonged together."

"Oh," she said again, suddenly uncomfortable for some reason. "I always was kinda pulling for Collin and Janine," she added, trying to sound sincere.

Luke smiled, his face lighting up. "What made you put them together?"

"I don't know." She shrugged, then smiled at him shyly. "There was just a time, I think during Season 3? It just seemed like they were trying to put them together. And they were both so weirdly needy, it just seemed like it would work."

"Maybe," Luke agreed, still smiling.

She looked at the screen. "Are there stories on here about them?" she asked, just to have something to say.

"Sure," Luke said. He came over to the table, taking the chair again in front of the laptop. He clicked on a few things, and soon a long list of stories appeared.

"Wow," Lorelai said, stunned, as she looked at the long list. "There's like a gazillion stories here! I guess I wasn't the only one who thought they'd be a cute couple." She bent over the table, double-clicking on a story title.

"Uh, Lorelai," Luke cautioned, "you might want to pay attention to some of the warnings, because some of these stories are―"

"Yowzer!" Lorelai's eyes went wide. "Luke! This is―This is―Oh my god!" Her coat hit the floor as her bottom landed on Luke's knee.

He cleared his throat in discomfort, cautiously putting a hand on her back to steady her. "Yeah, uh, this one is kinda famous, actually," he informed her.

"Have you read this?" she asked incredulously, while her eyes continued to fly down the page. "It starts out that she's dreaming they're in his bathroom, having sex." She sucked in a breath as she continued to read. "And then he's dreaming that they're in her kitchen going at it!" She bit her lip suddenly and pointed at something on the screen. "Is that even possible?" she asked faintly. Not waiting on a reply, her eyes feverishly followed the words. "And then…then they wake up, and they go into his bathroom and really make love!" She put a hand on her hot cheek and turned to look at him accusingly. "Are they all like this?"

"No, no, not at all!" he assured her quickly. He leaned over beside her and rapidly clicked on a different author. Another long list of titles appeared, and Luke selected one.

"This is my favorite," he told her. "It starts out really early in the series, and this author has Sean and Tracy get together then, years earlier than in the show. This writer is really amazing, and she does an incredible job of proving how good their life together could have been."

Lorelai leaned forward to read a little bit. One line made her smile. "Huh," she said, looking over her shoulder at Luke. "Yeah, this is cute." She tilted her head, looking suspicious. "It's not dirty?"

"Not really." He shrugged, and a small, mischievous smile tugged at his lips. "Sometimes she explores the more, um, _adult_ nature of their relationship, but it's more sweet than smutty."

She paused thoughtfully, processing this new knowledge about Luke. "So you come down here after Jess is asleep and you read romance stories, huh?" she asked softly, but not in a teasing way.

"Yeah," he admitted.

She settled herself back against him more comfortably, deciding she was just going to ignore how weird it was that she was actually sitting on his lap. "You know, as much I loved the show, it bugged the crap out of me sometimes. I like quirky as much as the next person, but sometimes the quirk-o-meter was just over the top. It was like everyone in town had to have some gimmick."

"The sheriff," Luke said at once.

"Yes!" Lorelai nodded emphatically. "Maybe once or twice he would have been funny, but it was just the same thing over and over. How many times did they need to humiliate him? And the town was totally unbelievable," she added. "Regency Hill must have been the safest town in America, the way no one ever locked their doors and they walked all over the place all the time!"

"Oh, I know!" Luke agreed. "And did you ever notice it changed locations? One week it was practically next door to Chicago, and the next week it took 'em days to get there!"

Lorelai laughed. "That didn't bug me as much as the time thing. I could never figure out what day it was or how much time had passed. I mean, every Tuesday night was all-you-can-eat spaghetti night at Beverly's restaurant, right? So everyone's at the restaurant, eating spaghetti, and the next thing you know, it's apparently Tuesday night again, because there they all are! What was up with that?"

Luke chuckled too. "Yeah, I think that drove everybody up the wall."

Lorelai leaned back against him companionably. "I don't think I was even watching it by the end," she mused, trying to remember. "Did Sean and Tracy finally get together?"

"Not really," Luke grumbled. "She went back with Rick for a while."

"Oh, Rick!" her eyes went wide. "Oh, yeah, the hot blond guy from Season 2." She pushed herself upright, closer to the computer. "Hey, are there any stories about him on here?"

"Probably," Luke said shortly.

"Not a fan, huh?" She smiled gently at him, placing her hand over his heart. "Does it hurt your little shipper heart, Luke?" She felt that it was safe to tease him now, just a little.

"Yes," he said seriously, much to her surprise. "That's why I read these stories. The show had such promise, but then it ended so badly. I cared about these characters. I know that probably sounds stupid to you, but I did. I read these stories that people have taken the time to write, and it makes me feel better, to see Sean and Tracy and everyone else getting a better ending. The ending they deserved."

Lorelai found she couldn't take her eyes away from his. Her hand was still lying against his heart, and her lips were dry and having trouble forming words. His deep voice was resonating somewhere inside her, making her ditch whatever reserve she'd normally be preserving around him.

"You know the real reason I stopped watching?" she asked him, leaning forward, unable to stop herself. "I stopped because I couldn't handle the show keeping them apart any longer. I mean, he's gorgeous, she's gorgeous, and it was obvious from the very first scene of the very first show that they were perfect for each other. They were together practically every day, with all of these feelings for each other, and we were supposed to believe that they just didn't realize it? Come on! Who acts like that?"

Luke swallowed with difficulty. "I don't know," he said, almost sounding ashamed.

Lorelai's hand seemed to be moving on its own, traveling across his chest, and she swallowed hard, too, watching her hand caress him. "I mean, if they just would have stopped for a moment…" She stopped, breathing hard. "…And maybe just looked at each other for a moment…" She looked, trying to meet his eyes, but his eyes were focused on her lips. "…Then maybe, they would have realized…"

She leaned forward, and he was already there. Their lips met tentatively, clinging together for a space of time while they tried to determine what they'd just done.

Lorelai pulled back. "Then maybe they would have realized they were perfect for each other," she explained, slowly and breathlessly.

"They were idiots," Luke decreed, grabbing her and pulling her towards him.

"Idiots," Lorelai agreed, swinging her leg around him while his arms pushed her against him. She went for the back of his head, letting her fingers swirl through the sexy curls on his neck while he kissed her completely senseless.

They were kissing and touching each other greedily, and then suddenly they were upright and her toes once again were not on the ground. He was holding her against him and it was a very good feeling indeed, so good that she had to tear her mouth away from his, because there was something she really needed to say.

"Luke," she gasped out, and that turned out to be a very good thing, too, because his mouth went to her neck and that was a wonderfully delicious feeling all on its own, even without the way his body was moving against hers as he slowly maneuvered them through the room. "Luke," she murmured again, shivering from the way he was making her feel, "can we go up to your bathroom?"

"Jess," he growled out in reminder, searching for her mouth again, his hands urging her to hop up so he could carry her better.

"Oh," she said, immediately forgetting her disappointment as she lost herself in the kiss. A new urgency soon made her think of something else. "Let's go to my house," she suggested. "My kitchen," she breathed out, already picturing them there.

She felt him shake his head. "Rory," he sighed.

"Darn kid," she muttered.

They'd reached the curtained doorway by then, and Luke took the opportunity to press her up against the frame there and she nearly went crazy, loving the way they fit together so perfectly.

"Then where are we going?" she asked, clinging to him, never wanting to let go.

"Storeroom," he answered, pushing through the curtain at the same time his hand pushed under her shirt, anchoring her to him.

"Good idea!" she told him triumphantly. "I bet there aren't any smutty storeroom stories!"

And the laptop, no longer needed, powered itself down and went to sleep.

* * *

**Fun Facts:** At first I thought that Lorelai (of course) would be the one reading the fanfiction. But then it hit me how much funnier it would be if Luke was the one with the secret allegiance to a cancelled show.

Also, in _Time Heals,_ I had Lorelai live in a town called Regency Hill.


End file.
